On the morning of this general election, with the increasingly likely prospect of an incoming not-even-pretending-not-to-be-eurosceptic Conservative government, it is a good time to reflect on what Europe means to us Brits who have developed a certain fondness for the continent. Here are my top three reasons to keep tight with the folks over the channel.

Firstly, and can someone please get hold of a satellite broadcast and say this very loudly: “Earth to Britain – the empire is over! Please get over your fantastical Special Relationship and obsolete China outreach and deal with the reality – our only chance for global prominence (or of avoiding total insignificance) is in Europe!” The thought of William Hague still gibbering on about the need for us to assert our ‘we are big and scary’ global position makes my insides writhe with embarrassment.

Secondly, has no one cottoned on to the fact that they can go and study in Sweden in English at University for free? For some courses you don’t even need to go there but can take a course online! It’s insane – I’m pretty sure the Swedish are going to realise at some point that they can’t afford it so I suggest signing up immediately. I wish I’d known before I signed away my salary surplus for the next 15 years to the (low interest??) student loans department.

Finally, I just think it’s a bit rude for the Brits to be negative about Europe when they’ve all made such a kind effort to learn our language! Apparently some 38% of European citizens can speak competent English – equivalent to the number of British people that cannot spell accommodation... So really the opportunity to lead debates is laid out on a platter, yet the Tories opt instead for a coalition of anti-crats sneering from the side-lines.

These reasons to stick around may not be economically compelling but they seem good enough to me. So here’s to the past decade and a bit of semi-cooperation! I can barely wait to be hated again…

Sophie W.